Hi my name is Ben. I have a pig and I am thirty-five years old. At what point should I start seating that I am x years "young" I always here old people saying that and maybe it's about time I start saying it to. I only hear it from old people who appear to be full of life or young at heart. I am at there age where I need to start considering myself as being someone who is considered by others as being young at heart. So it shall be. Hi my name is Ben. I have a pig and am thirty-five years young. I drink all day and am still smarter than you will ever be at your most intelligent and soberist point. How does that make you feel? Knowing that no matter how drink and stupid I get I will still always be smarter than you?
My thoughts. transcribed.
I was such a cute kid when I was little my dad had to beat me up all the time because he was afraid that I would get molested because of my cuteness. Thanks dad. Happy Father's Day.
Sometimes I drive a diesel truck around town. It's not uncommon for this vehicle to emit smoke when it's low on gas because it's cleaning the exhaust filter or something. I realize that this is an annoyance to those behind me but I'm selfish and I don't really care about them. It turns out you can report smoking vehicles to your local state health department via this website https://www.colorado.gov/pacific/cdphe/smoking-vehicle-hotline
I know this because I received a notice in the mail from a concerned citizen who was saddened by my vehicles smoking in their face. Instead of getting upset about their sore vagina I decided to use this information to my advantage. As such, whenever I encounter a Subaru or hybrid vehicle on the road being an annoyance, instead of chasing them down and shooting them in the face as I may have previously done I will instead simply take down their license place and report them to the authority above. This is both fun and free. Try it.
Someone should just go through all the porn of the 70's and make a two hour documentary of all the worst non x rated parts. Just the cheesiest cornball parts of those movies back to back for two hours. That would be an amazing movie to show at parties.
For Halloween this year I am going to dress our pig up as the hamburglar because it's the best most awesome costume on earth ever. But on doing some research for this role that I will force him to play I have a few questions. First, why does the hamburglar wear a tie? Is he like a respectable businessman burglar? Because stealing hamburgers is not your typical white collar crime.
Secondly, why does he have a cape? Maybe he is a super hero like robinhood and steals burgers to feel the poor. Did you ever think of that? I mean, how many burgers can someone eat anyways? All hail the hamburglar!!